Category Archives: Friends

So what do you like to do?

Unreal Korea

You know, I was never really homesick in Cayman. There were times I missed living in the ‘civilized world’ but the friends and, yes, climate made it an easier place to call home.

Don’t get me wrong: I still very clearly remember the life of being a second class citizen in a small Caribbean country. You stay there for seven years and it’s hard to forget having to contend with people yelling “Go back to your country!” at you when you don’t acquiesce and let them cut you off while driving. Or hearing “My bredren work at Immigration, I can have you kicked off the island,” or even having a bogus file of complaints submitted to the Honourable Work Permit Board.

But lemme tell you this, I miss the heck out of the USA and Cayman right now.

And not just because of the distance and time differences of my favorite tv shows and sporting events. Tech mitigates those issues quite well thankyouverymuch.

It is partially because I couldn’t go to Baltimore when my grandfather passed away. Ok, that one is distance. But it’s more the sheer inconvenience of it.

Yes, there are some fundamental cultural politeness issues. That’s rich coming from me, I know, but it’s true. The pushing and shoving and overall vibe of animosity is right up there w/ New York and there’s a reason I don’t want to live in that city.

Also, there’s an interesting thing about the expats here. They take on a more native thing and say, “you have to adapt to that if you want it to work out.”

Well, that’s just it, isn’t it?

Like maybe the type of people that are expats in Asia are totally different than the type of expats in the Caribbean. And interestingly enough, some of the challenges have come from ‘fellow Americans’ who’ve become power-grabbing opportunists, competing with each other instead of working on the same team. Which is a direct reflection of the duality of Korean community ‘all-for-one’ while simultaneously stressing ‘be the top in your class/field/whatever no matter what the cost.’

Crazy, right?

I just don’t feel at home here the way I did in Cayman, Philadelphia, or Baltimore.

Really didn’t expect that.

So yeah, I’m a little homesick for friends and family and the feeling of community that comes from both.

Giving thanks

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This will be my eighth Thanksgiving away from the USA; Jenn’s as well.

We both moved to Cayman in 2006, and don’t think (!) we ever went back “home” for Thanksgiving once we got there.

We’ve always missed our families, albeit in different ways. I’ve had a few chances to call and Skype during the family meal, but Jenn has worked in a British school system for the last few years where the holiday is not observed, so she’s missed out on those chats during her family’s meal. And my mother has frequently taken a photo of us and placed it on the table for us just like we were there.

This year it’s different. We’re both having trouble grappling with this holiday this year. Not that we don’t have a lot to be thankful for, but unfortunately we’ve all too aware of what we’re lacking versus what we have. Which is not really the point of the holiday; and that makes me feel a little more weird…

Like maybe I should snap out of it and be freakin’ happy to be alive and healthy and have a wonderful wife and dog and cat and roof over my head and warm clothes to wear and food to eat… and that there are people out there who don’t have any of that.

But… it’s all relative. And the fact is that I don’t think we’ve ever felt more alone for Thanksgiving then we do this year.

Away from the family home is one thing… away from family itself is another… and away from the people who were our adopted family is just plain brutal.

We’re going to a brewpub for Thanksgiving this year. I’m sure it’ll be nice, but it won’t be Copper Falls in Cayman for the third year with friends we’ve had for over four years, and it won’t be our place in Mystic Retreat where we hosted American Thanksgiving the year before that (where I cooked the turkey accidentally upside down), where even though I’d just been ousted from a job, I was surrounded by loved ones… but really, it certainly won’t be home.

Bubbly Brunch Birthdays

The Cheat Day that almost wasn’t

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As you know, Sundays are important to me.

Not just because it’s Cheat Day, but back in Cayman it used to be Brunch With Friends Day. (Which is why it was my Cheat Day vs Saturdays like most other people on the Four Hour Body protocol — they call it Faturday.)

Brunch With Friends Day is not to be confused with Words With Friends, although for some there is a competitive angle (I’m looking at you, Elle).

I’ve tried to do a similar thing here in Korea but it’s been slow getting off the ground. Not because of anything specific, but seven years of brunching the way we did in Cayman is a tough habit to break. Jenn & I have a list of the places that we want to check out that allegedly do a brunch we can be fond of and we’ve made some progress. Butterfinger Pancakes is running slightly hotter than Suji’s at this point.

This past Sunday we were invited over to a neighbor’s place for a in-house potluck brunch. Jenn had made an egg casserole, and the hostess was making French Toast. Just as more people were arriving, I felt a slight itch in my right eye, and excused myself to grab something from our apartment. When I walked in, I went to the sink, washed my hands and then rinsed out my eye. Or at least I thought I did.

Check out what happened next. Note the time stamps…

: 2013-09-01-10.06

: 2013-09-01-10.09

: 2013-09-01-10.19

: 2013-09-01-10.25

Crazy, right?

At first I thought I had an allergic reaction to something in the neighbor’s apartment, and I took two antihistamines to stop the swelling and then three ibuprofen to reduce the inflammation.

And then I did what any other grown up does in this situation: I called my mommy.

We spoke for a little while, during which time I put an ice pack on my face and waited.

Ice, ice, baby

As I inspected the eye again, I noticed a little white particle in there and with the way it was reacting I thought that maybe, just maybe, something else had happened instead of an allergic reaction.

I went to the sink, turned the hose upside down and rinsed what I thought could have been soap out of my eyeball.

The swelling started to go down and after a little while resting, I ventured out for some Visine. Of course they don’t have Visine in Korea but they did have this:

Korean Visine

And after squeezing five or six drops into the eyeball, it looked like this:

2013-09-01-12.35.29

Crisis averted.

And since it was Cheat Day, I rewarded myself thusly:

Baskin Robbins Quarterback Crunch

After another hour or so of R&R, Jenn and I decided to make the most out of the rest of the day.

I started with some of this:

Finally got to enjoy these Pain au Levain lovely cookies, Madelines, and cupcakes.

We then joined up with that neighbor for a trip out to find the I Love Cookie (foreign food mart) closer to us in Suji-gu (which was closed) and something called CostCo Seconds, which is a storefront that sells returned merch from the wholesaler. After parting ways at the Lotte Department Store in Suji-gu, Jenn & I walked to Jukjeon to the Shinsegae Department Store for some food.

: Jenn & Ben along the ‘river’

: Birdwatching

: Dinner for two at Panda Kitchen Shinsegae

And of course after scarfing our spicy veggies, noodles, and chicken, we perused the grocery store and food court area.

: Shinsegae spices

: Beans!

: Beers & ciders

: Interesting Japanese alcoholic beverages indeed

: Box of expensive meat

We cabbed home and called it a night…

This weekend is still up in the air but Friday is looking like an Itaewon kinda day/eve.

Home again?

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Jenn says to me, “Not only did we leave Philly behind, it left us behind.”

If home is where the heart is and pieces of your heart lie with the friends you make, and keep, then you can always go home again. As long as you’re surrounded by your friends.

The challenge is that your friends change. At least those in the Circle of Trust* change. And that’s just a normal part of life.

People orbit in and out of the Circle of Trust at a period somewhere between a calendar year and Haley’s Comet being visible from Earth with a minimum of effort.

So I think what Jenn was saying is that although we have some terrific friends here in Philadelphia whom we love, due to the Tyranny of Distance**, our orbits have elongated.

It’s okay tho, because just like Haley’s, we’ll circle back around eventually. Here’s an interesting thing maybe… Do you think that when this happens, both people will look at the other as the comet; looking at the perceived frozen alien surface and wonder what sights the other has seen and what other celestial bodies and weird elements they’ve come in contact with?

Or has Facebook ruined that, too?

*A special round table that existed at Mezza Restaurant in Cayman upon which shots were drunk, oaths were sworn, and secrets revealed never to spoken about again.

**Special thanks to my friend and fantastic chiro Liam for the coinage of this term.

Ben Maxwell

Website of Ben Maxwell.