Category Archives: Cayman Islands

What happens when someone says “Go to your happy place” and you don’t know what that is?

I no longer have that problem. I got it now.

Last night as I was falling asleep not only was I anxious as usual, but I heard myself saying that above the inner cacophony.

It was then that I figured it out, and it says something that I was able to remember it this morning.

My happy place is a Sunday morning sitting outside in the warmth, gazing over the Caribbean Sea while sipping an iced coffee out of a colored plastic floral pint glass as Jennifer reads a book on the lounge chair to my left and Rooney lies there under the chair eyeing the iguanas down below. I know that we’ll have to shower and get dressed for brunch with our friends in an hour and we’re both looking forward to this little weekly ritual of chuckles and cuisine. I breathe deeply and can taste the lingering flavor of Irish cream on my tongue before taking another swig of the drink, being careful so as not to chug it too fast and have an ice cube or three try to escape their fate.

That’s my happy place. At least for now.

Bring on the Benedicts.

Unreal Korea

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You know, I was never really homesick in Cayman. There were times I missed living in the ‘civilized world’ but the friends and, yes, climate made it an easier place to call home.

Don’t get me wrong: I still very clearly remember the life of being a second class citizen in a small Caribbean country. You stay there for seven years and it’s hard to forget having to contend with people yelling “Go back to your country!” at you when you don’t acquiesce and let them cut you off while driving. Or hearing “My bredren work at Immigration, I can have you kicked off the island,” or even having a bogus file of complaints submitted to the Honourable Work Permit Board.

But lemme tell you this, I miss the heck out of the USA and Cayman right now.

And not just because of the distance and time differences of my favorite tv shows and sporting events. Tech mitigates those issues quite well thankyouverymuch.

It is partially because I couldn’t go to Baltimore when my grandfather passed away. Ok, that one is distance. But it’s more the sheer inconvenience of it.

Yes, there are some fundamental cultural politeness issues. That’s rich coming from me, I know, but it’s true. The pushing and shoving and overall vibe of animosity is right up there w/ New York and there’s a reason I don’t want to live in that city.

Also, there’s an interesting thing about the expats here. They take on a more native thing and say, “you have to adapt to that if you want it to work out.”

Well, that’s just it, isn’t it?

Like maybe the type of people that are expats in Asia are totally different than the type of expats in the Caribbean. And interestingly enough, some of the challenges have come from ‘fellow Americans’ who’ve become power-grabbing opportunists, competing with each other instead of working on the same team. Which is a direct reflection of the duality of Korean community ‘all-for-one’ while simultaneously stressing ‘be the top in your class/field/whatever no matter what the cost.’

Crazy, right?

I just don’t feel at home here the way I did in Cayman, Philadelphia, or Baltimore.

Really didn’t expect that.

So yeah, I’m a little homesick for friends and family and the feeling of community that comes from both.

Giving thanks

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This will be my eighth Thanksgiving away from the USA; Jenn’s as well.

We both moved to Cayman in 2006, and don’t think (!) we ever went back “home” for Thanksgiving once we got there.

We’ve always missed our families, albeit in different ways. I’ve had a few chances to call and Skype during the family meal, but Jenn has worked in a British school system for the last few years where the holiday is not observed, so she’s missed out on those chats during her family’s meal. And my mother has frequently taken a photo of us and placed it on the table for us just like we were there.

This year it’s different. We’re both having trouble grappling with this holiday this year. Not that we don’t have a lot to be thankful for, but unfortunately we’ve all too aware of what we’re lacking versus what we have. Which is not really the point of the holiday; and that makes me feel a little more weird…

Like maybe I should snap out of it and be freakin’ happy to be alive and healthy and have a wonderful wife and dog and cat and roof over my head and warm clothes to wear and food to eat… and that there are people out there who don’t have any of that.

But… it’s all relative. And the fact is that I don’t think we’ve ever felt more alone for Thanksgiving then we do this year.

Away from the family home is one thing… away from family itself is another… and away from the people who were our adopted family is just plain brutal.

We’re going to a brewpub for Thanksgiving this year. I’m sure it’ll be nice, but it won’t be Copper Falls in Cayman for the third year with friends we’ve had for over four years, and it won’t be our place in Mystic Retreat where we hosted American Thanksgiving the year before that (where I cooked the turkey accidentally upside down), where even though I’d just been ousted from a job, I was surrounded by loved ones… but really, it certainly won’t be home.

FriendSurfing

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Ultimately it’s probably a good thing that I have a couple of hours each day where I’m on the bus into Seoul with my thoughts and no distractions. I try to avoid the internet and disconnect for a while and either listen to some music or finish playing Words With Friends.

As a result of this me time I’ve been thinking about people and things Jennifer and I have left behind in Cayman and how much we miss not necessarily the place itself, which we do, of course, but we also miss the strange and wonderful people a place like a small island in the Caribbean attracts.

Not to say that after a few years in Asia wouldn’t be a similar thing, but it will never completely replace the close friendships created in Cayman… Nor should it. We only hope we’ll be able to forge similar relationships; those that will last.

And then I wonder if Korea will be the last stop before going back to the USA. Or if we’re fated to spend more time either in Europe or somewhere else and how we never really know where the road will go and that we should try to keep our eyes off our miniture pocket display screens and watch the scenery go by… because nothing lasts forever.

Oh yeah, it snowed here today. Joy.

Home again?

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Jenn says to me, “Not only did we leave Philly behind, it left us behind.”

If home is where the heart is and pieces of your heart lie with the friends you make, and keep, then you can always go home again. As long as you’re surrounded by your friends.

The challenge is that your friends change. At least those in the Circle of Trust* change. And that’s just a normal part of life.

People orbit in and out of the Circle of Trust at a period somewhere between a calendar year and Haley’s Comet being visible from Earth with a minimum of effort.

So I think what Jenn was saying is that although we have some terrific friends here in Philadelphia whom we love, due to the Tyranny of Distance**, our orbits have elongated.

It’s okay tho, because just like Haley’s, we’ll circle back around eventually. Here’s an interesting thing maybe… Do you think that when this happens, both people will look at the other as the comet; looking at the perceived frozen alien surface and wonder what sights the other has seen and what other celestial bodies and weird elements they’ve come in contact with?

Or has Facebook ruined that, too?

*A special round table that existed at Mezza Restaurant in Cayman upon which shots were drunk, oaths were sworn, and secrets revealed never to spoken about again.

**Special thanks to my friend and fantastic chiro Liam for the coinage of this term.

Leaving Grand Cayman

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Today Jennifer and I left Cayman. We divested ourselves of everything seven years of living in the Caribbean brings with it except seven bags of luggage, nine 22lb boxes, and two pets.

I write this onboard the airplane at altitude and location unknown. When we left the USA the Internet hadn’t gotten to airlines yet. That’s weird.

Hopefully we left a positive mark on Grand Cayman. Lord knows it made a mark on us…

Hopefully we left the island a little better than when we found it. Maybe some people were entertained and/or amused by my radio performances over the years. And maybe some of Jenn’s students are a little smarter and/or have a better awareness of our animal friends that inhabit this planet.

Godspeed Cayman and good luck.

Waning moments

It’s in the waning moments that we realize what is important. And those moments can last forever.

The trick is to be observant and ‘in the moment’ to make any experience carry the weight of one that is waning.

One of my favorite professors of mine back at University started the second semester of Astronomy with some advice: “Be where you’re at.” As I get older that statement has been ringing louder. May you rest in peace, Dr. Hobbs.

There was a story on Lifehacker yesterday about why our morning commutes sometimes feel like no time at all has passed that struck home for me. During my first years in Cayman, I remember thinking that the weekends seemed to go on forever. Now I know why. Read it.

It’s never as bad as you think it is and if you lie down or try and calm your heartbeats you can come down from the anxiety.

I’m going to try and be more observant of the moments we have left in Cayman and endeavor to write a little more about the process of moving.

I love you all.

Ben Maxwell

Website of Ben Maxwell.